Don’t Disappear on Me

I have been subscribing to blogs in the last few months. I am a slow reader at that and find keeping up with their blog loves and lives is demanding. But I wouldn’t do it, if I didn’t enjoy the material. I especially like a particular one. He is not what my post is about, although I do want to give him a shout out….Cristian Mihai, an author of several books. He’s been going through a tough time lately, so your support and kindness will help him.

What my post is about…. I found this writing prompt in full bold text, meaning yes, I did pay attention! We live in a world full of illusions and I find the more I read our daily lives, watch the movies, see about what’s being drafted, publish, trended and talked about is the end of our “normal” society as we know it. So as my blogging journey is starting today, I figure this is a great way to begin the deep down parts of my heart and soul.

The prompt: You have three hundred words to justify the existence of your favorite person, place, or thing. Failure to convince will result in it vanishing without a trace. Go!

I don’t know if this will be 300 words to still keep her from vanishing from my life. I have a daughter. Two actually, but my older girl is 22, a college graduate and happily on her own, giving life it’s fullest. My younger girl, Denali Marie was taken from me when she was 7 years old. It was under duress that I found myself with criminal charges of child endangerment. ( I tried to publicly baptize her outside of a church, as I felt demons were attacking us in our home. You can hold your own judgement on this, think what you want, but if you’ve never experienced it, you will never know where I’m coming from about this….and please no haters to this site. It’s all been done to me already!) I was raising her on my own as her absent father had sexually abused her to my knowledge and he was court ordered to stay away. That was good for her and him, but hard on me as I had all her responsibilities. Even when a child is not ill, that’s not an easy task as a single parent. I believe true parenting of a child takes both parents in a successful marriage or co-parenting situation.

Denali had a stroke at birth leaving her with cerebral palsy on the right side of her body. At birth, they told me she wouldn’t walk, talk, or eat. I chose another route. I immersed myself into her care. Denali didn’t have it easy, we as a family didn’t have it easy. I was a single working parent of two children, one disabled…that’s my Denali Marie story here.

~ My Denali Marie ~

I was 34 years old when I gave birth to Denali. While I was sick during the pregnancy, she came out a healthy 8.11 pounds, with great apgar scores and excellent hearing. It wasn’t until she was 3 days old that her father and I learned she’d had a stroke at birth. That was a major turning point for a lot of my family as Denali needed a lot of care and attention. Remember the no walking, no talking, no eating diagnosis I told you about at the beginning? Well, with hard work, determination and professional help Denali and I turned that all around! She can eat like a horse, run track, and talks your ear off! She has a special quality that she shares when she smiles. She’s bright, intelligent and funny. She makes my heart smile in pure warmth when I think if her. I laugh out loud to myself even when no one is around at her little antics and wit. I haven’t seen her for almost 5 years now, so I don’t know how she has grown up or how she gets along with the world and her disabilities. I wish to God, I could get out of purgatory and see, hear and hold my daughter. Just to see her smile again would melt my soul and all would be right with the world. Everything would be alright. Flowers would bloom again, the sun would shine it’s actual sunlight on me and I would be healed. I know Denali wants to see me too. We belong together as mother and daughter.

All over a rockstar…….
I also want to say in just a few words and not the 300 he deserves from me, but I miss Marty being in my life. Yes, he completely uprooted my entire life just to take the chance and have love in my heart for him and live him unconditionally. I couldn’t. I didn’t love myself enough because of other people’s beliefs and opinions of me. Trust me I was hit from all angles on that from many different people throughout my life. And he was everything I wanted in a guy and a lot I didn’t! He did turn out to be a major jerk, but I miss him anyway and I just want to put that out there. Even though he pulled my life apart in pieces, I still care about him. I don’t love him like I thought I really did, but he has a special place in my heart for spending some of his life on my well being and my souls specialness. If universe can here me now, just let him know I cared and that I did live him in the only way I could. Having his warmth, smile and beautiful eyes near me would make me happy in itself. Love you Marty. Somehow I always will. Thanks for the music of our souls.